You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
