OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
