i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
