I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
