you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
