He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
