I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is Oprah even human
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
