Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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