is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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