I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
