just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
