Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Help. Why am I so naked?
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