I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Too much gin, very little bucket
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
