i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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