i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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