she was so not down for the gang bang
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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