i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
