You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
