lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
