You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
