I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
