you guys were way drunker than both of me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
