I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
