i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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