Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
