I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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