I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
