worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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