shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
