he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
