he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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