yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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