me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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