Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
