i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
