I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Too much gin, very little bucket
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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