So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
