Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
