He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
