Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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