drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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