So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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