i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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