I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize