she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
