You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
