When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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