when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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