I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
