Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
