I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
