Yo dont text me then not text me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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