omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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