hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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