I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
