Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
