i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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