I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
