I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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