I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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