Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
