Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
