i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
